Sorry that I didn’t do the usual Thursday post this week. It’s been a hectic week at work because of my new position at work. It’s gotten really busy, and I haven’t had the time to unwind and do personal life things, let alone blog. A lot of unfortunate things have been happening to me personally and career-wise, which is…sad? I don’t really know the best way to put it, but let me gather my thoughts and try to write it all down.
If you were to ask me two or three years ago if I wanted to be where I am currently at today, I don’t think my 22/21-year old self will positively say yes. I always imagined a grander life for me, even when I was a young child. I would have dreams of doing things differently and being a person that people admired and looked up to. As much as that’s happening now (I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they look up to me recently), I still feel like I’ve fallen short of what I always wanted to be.
Is it bad to think like that? Maybe. Maybe I’m just expecting more of my life now that I’m (almost) in my mid-20s, but it just…hasn’t happened yet.
For grade 12 (or senior year), we had to do these things called Grad Transition Plans and have an interview on them afterwards. In my Grad Transition Plan, there were boxes that we had to fill out that stated our plans for the next 5 years, and then another one for 10 years. I remember putting in my 10-year plan that I was going to be “married with a house and kids,” and that I was going to have a “stable career,” as if I was a prophet (I was going to put fortune teller, but that’s not what I’m going for).
Well, it’s hard because reality hits you, and all of a sudden, what I thought my life was going to be when I was 17 years old is totally different from the life that I have now. Yes, I have a job (I wouldn’t call it a career just yet), but I’m not married with kids, nor do I have a house. I have a car, but that’s not the same as having a house.
All I’m saying is my expectations did not meet my reality and, it’s sad to say, the life that I have right now is not what I had hoped for years ago when I was naive and oblivious to real life. It’s like that phrase you learn in French class when they tell you how you are doing (in French) and you say “comme ci, comme ça” accompanied with a teeter-tottering of your right hand with the palm facing the floor. This was my favourite answer to give because usually my life isn’t that great (which involved a huge exclamation point when you answer in French), but I’ve learned to deal with whatever comes my way.
I watched this dance routine (which placed 1st in a dance competition called Body Rock) of a local dance crew named TwoFourSeven, and the entire premise was Expectation vs Reality, which got me to thinking the same way. What I expected in my life is nothing like how my life turned out today, and I’m supposed to be okay with that? It’s hard to say.
At the end of the day though, I realize that, even though my life isn’t what I expected it to be, it’s what God had planned for me, and I should (and need to) be okay with that. When my life is not as glamorous or as flashy as other people’s lives are, there’s something about humble beginnings that make me want to keep coming back to God, and there’s something about being in the valley that makes me appreciate what God does in these circumstances while trekking through to the mountaintops. There’s something about the struggles and the sufferings in the quiet moments that begins to change my perspective of the goodness of God and how amazing He is.
Maybe my life isn’t as great as it is now, but if my life is going according to how God wants it to be, then I really have no complaints. After all, He does know best.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
– Proverbs 19:21 ESV
TL;DR – Keith is sad? Keith does not know why life is like this. Keith remembers Grad Transition Plans and what Keith wrote is not the same thing as what Keith’s life is now. Keith got to thinking about expectations vs reality, and Keith watched a dance video that describes this. But Keith knows that where Keith is is where God wants Keith to be. Keith understands God’s plan for Keith’s life. Keith remembers Proverbs 19:21.