06.16.17 – “Comme ci, Comme ça…”

Hello!

Sorry that I didn’t do the usual Thursday post this week. It’s been a hectic week at work because of my new position at work. It’s gotten really busy, and I haven’t had the time to unwind and do personal life things, let alone blog. A lot of unfortunate things have been happening to me personally and career-wise, which is…sad? I don’t really know the best way to put it, but let me gather my thoughts and try to write it all down.

If you were to ask me two or three years ago if I wanted to be where I am currently at today, I don’t think my 22/21-year old self will positively say yes. I always imagined a grander life for me, even when I was a young child. I would have dreams of doing things differently and being a person that people admired and looked up to. As much as that’s happening now (I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they look up to me recently), I still feel like I’ve fallen short of what I always wanted to be.

Is it bad to think like that? Maybe. Maybe I’m just expecting more of my life now that I’m (almost) in my mid-20s, but it just…hasn’t happened yet.

For grade 12 (or senior year), we had to do these things called Grad Transition Plans and have an interview on them afterwards. In my Grad Transition Plan, there were boxes that we had to fill out that stated our plans for the next 5 years, and then another one for 10 years. I remember putting in my 10-year plan that I was going to be “married with a house and kids,” and that I was going to have a “stable career,” as if I was a prophet (I was going to put fortune teller, but that’s not what I’m going for).

Well, it’s hard because reality hits you, and all of a sudden, what I thought my life was going to be when I was 17 years old is totally different from the life that I have now. Yes, I have a job (I wouldn’t call it a career just yet), but I’m not married with kids, nor do I have a house. I have a car, but that’s not the same as having a house.

All I’m saying is my expectations did not meet my reality and, it’s sad to say, the life that I have right now is not what I had hoped for years ago when I was naive and oblivious to real life. It’s like that phrase you learn in French class when they tell you how you are doing (in French) and you say “comme ci, comme ça” accompanied with a teeter-tottering of your right hand with the palm facing the floor. This was my favourite answer to give because usually my life isn’t that great (which involved a huge exclamation point when you answer in French), but I’ve learned to deal with whatever comes my way.

I watched this dance routine (which placed 1st in a dance competition called Body Rock) of a local dance crew named TwoFourSeven, and the entire premise was Expectation vs Reality, which got me to thinking the same way. What I expected in my life is nothing like how my life turned out today, and I’m supposed to be okay with that? It’s hard to say.

At the end of the day though, I realize that, even though my life isn’t what I expected it to be, it’s what God had planned for me, and I should (and need to) be okay with that. When my life is not as glamorous or as flashy as other people’s lives are, there’s something about humble beginnings that make me want to keep coming back to God, and there’s something about being in the valley that makes me appreciate what God does in these circumstances while trekking through to the mountaintops. There’s something about the struggles and the sufferings in the quiet moments that begins to change my perspective of the goodness of God and how amazing He is.

Maybe my life isn’t as great as it is now, but if my life is going according to how God wants it to be, then I really have no complaints. After all, He does know best.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
– Proverbs 19:21 ESV

TL;DR – Keith is sad? Keith does not know why life is like this. Keith remembers Grad Transition Plans and what Keith wrote is not the same thing as what Keith’s life is now. Keith got to thinking about expectations vs reality, and Keith watched a dance video that describes this. But Keith knows that where Keith is is where God wants Keith to be. Keith understands God’s plan for Keith’s life. Keith remembers Proverbs 19:21.

06.08.17 – Waiting on God’s Timing

Hello!

I’m sorry for not writing last week. It was a bit of a busy week, and many unexpected things happened:

  • Our IT person left the company that I’m working for, and they expect me to replace him (when he has 10 years of experience and I’m a recent graduate). So I’ve been busy with training (three days of training…) and replacing him.
  • I graduated! Last Wednesday, I walked through the stage and FINALLY got my degree, so I can finally say I am an IT graduate!
  • I went to a birthday party on Friday and they wanted me to perform, so I went straight after work.
  • I went on a trip to the small city where I went to Bible College this past weekend until Tuesday of this week.

So, as you can see, it was an eventful week! It was a busy week, but it was great, so no complaints there. However, I’ve been recently thinking about how God is moving in my life lately, and I can’t help but wonder what He wants me to do now.

When I was on this trip to the city where I went to Bible College – which was a small city where everyone probably knew each other in some way – I started thinking about what God has planned for me. It was hard not to because people that I knew from Bible College still lived in that city, and every time we started chatting, we would end up talking about God in some way, whether it be laughing about certain things in the Bible or being serious about His will. Either way, God was involved at some point.

When I was on this trip, I couldn’t help but feel like God has placed me in that place for a reason. In fact, when I was on the plane praying for what God was going to do to me with my trip there, He gave me a word that I couldn’t shake off of my head:

Life-changing.

Life-changing? God, what do You mean? You got to make it clearer than that, Lord.

Sure enough, it was a life-changing trip. I hung out with people that I haven’t seen in five years, met people who I haven’t met before, and met again people who I haven’t seen in about 10+ years. I talked and conversed with people ranging from minutes to hours. I couldn’t stop talking, and we were able to carry a conversation for what seems like forever (exaggeration, obviously, but it felt like that). It was refreshing. It was as if I was transported five years back to when I was going to Bible College and relearning so many things about who God is and how amazing He is. These conversations definitely were a part of my life-changing moment. However, through all these conversations and all these experiences, there was one thought that I couldn’t shake off the entire trip:

I want to move and live here.

Now, I don’t know if this was a feeling of running away from my current circumstances or just the fact that I was on a trip here. But people kept coming up to me and telling me if I’ve ever considered moving to that city. The craziest thing is that there are people who I respect and admire who asked me the same question, so it definitely made me think.

What if…?

But then again, I thought about my family, my ministry, and my life where I lived now and having to change all of that to live there. As well, I started thinking about having to find another job, finding my own place to live, and finding a car (because the place I visited didn’t have a reliable transit system). All these things started entering my mind and kept me thinking even more.

However, there were other thoughts that also favoured my decision to move here, like a support system of friends who will help me draw closer to God, a chance to live outside of my comfort zone and live by myself, multiple opportunities of doing ministry, and being able to learn under people who I feel like there are lots to learn from. All these positives massively outweighed the negatives, and I was stuck at a crossroad without really knowing what to do.

I got back this past Tuesday, and for the past few days, this is all I could think about. Maybe…? What if…? Would I be able to do it? All these thoughts and questions kept popping up in my mind, and I can’t shake it off. Even now as I work, I keep thinking about the possibility. I find myself looking at positions in the small city or somewhere close there. I find myself thinking about this possibility and moving away from the familiarity of where I grew up to the place where I find myself being calm and collected. Two different locations, two different cities, two different identities. One where I feel secure in my cultural background, and one where I stick out. One where I’m a big fish in a small pond, and one where I’m a small fish in a big pond. One where my family is around, and one where I’m by myself.

I can’t tell yet if that city is where God wants me to be, but, at one point in my life, I may spend a portion of my life there. Now, I don’t know the answer whether that will be soon or later on in my life. All I do know is that I’m stuck waiting for now. I just gotta wait for God and see where He leads me.

“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.”
– Isaiah 40:31 ESV

TL;DR – Keith was busy, so no post last week. Keith went on trip this past week, and it was life-changing. Keith is now wondering whether God wants Keith to move to small city or still live in big city. Keith has many questions and concerns, but leaves it all to God. Keith, remember Isaiah 40:31.